New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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