Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
