He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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