we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
