ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
