i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
