i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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