I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we're making bets on your personal life
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
