Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We had to coat check the pizza.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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