He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
