He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
