It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
