and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
