ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
