she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
