thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if i died would you start the facebook group?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
