Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't deserve a penis
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
