So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
