And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
