I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
