u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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