Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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