I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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