No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I AM VODKA MAN
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
