can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
