I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
