My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Send help, water and tortillas.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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