Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
