you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We have started to decorate penises.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
