Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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