After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
