I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
