bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
