Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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