Porn is love you can see.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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