it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
