his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
