I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
