my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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