i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
