I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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