she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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