Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
