So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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