haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Boobs speak an international language.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
