Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
