Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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