and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
birth control should be required to get into college
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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