He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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