I faked an abortion last night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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