I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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