I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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