News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
