so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
