It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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