I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
